Working during the past weeks for academic requirements was exhausting. I was working for something that’s not gonna last and what’s worse is that I know these things make me a monster. I was surviving gracefully. Grades are ok and I’m learning to be a scholar, a true scholar that will do anything for the pursuit of knowledge. I felt happy but as time goes by, I feel empty and discontented; I still feel there’s something lacking. Because of the busy life, I don’t have time for God anymore. Maybe that’s why I still feel whatever this feeling I have. I wish that all these academic requirements would already be finished so that I could serve God again. But if the worldly life would not leave me, I should choose what life I really wanted to live out. If I choose to live out a life that pleases the world and does everything that it asks for, I would really turn into a monster, a monster that gets mad easily and hates everything that gets in the way as she fulfills her worldly duties. I would feel really exhausted like what I’m feeling right now. I would hurt people, even those I love, and I don’t want that.
During times like this one, it’s better to pick a Christian music to listen to. Like what I’m doing right now. Just relax and forget about the bad things that happened, forget about the things you need to do, forget the world. Just sit there and enjoy the music and ponder on what the lyrics are telling you.
I have done terrible things today. I hurt some people because of my bad temper. I hurt God because I don’t do my devotions anymore. I wish I could take those hurtful words back, I wish I did my devotions so that I did not end up hurting people and God. But time has already passed. All I could do now is start living my life the way I did last semestrial break. That was when I was on fire, on fire of loving and serving Him.
P.S. I will always remember my father for the Christian cds he used to buy.